Judith E. Glaser, who was the Chairman of The Benchmark Communications, Inc/The CreatingWe Institute of NY, was the author of seven best sellers, one of her best sellers is “Conversational Intelligence”. I have used her techniques in the last 10 years and have seen a great improvement in the way people hold conversations, how they work together as teams and not as individuals and above all the results the companies are getting when they work with the principles of Conversational Intelligence.
What is Conversational Intelligence?
It is the hardwired, and learnable ability, to connect, navigate and grow with others – a necessity in building healthier and more resilient organizations in the face of change.
I had the opportunity to phone Judith just after her webinar organized by the Soundview Executive Organization. From that moment on I had several coaching and discussion moments with her about Conversational Intelligence, for which I am very grateful.
It was the start of an amazing learning journey for me. Working with what I learned impacted my business results very effectively. I realized quickly that when using the Conversational Intelligence Skills in conversations with my customers, the outcome was much better. I understood their deeper needs much better, as well as their perspectives and their views of the business. This led to delivering fully adapted training and coaching programs that resulted in much better outcomes.
What I did learn from Judith are the following things I would like to share with you, and I hope they can also impact your life on all aspects:
1. First of all, everything happens through the way we communicate with others. So, if we can improve the quality of our daily conversations, everybody will win in the end.
2. Trust can be gained and reinforced through the way we hold conversations with others. If we use more of the Level III Conversations, meaning a true and open dialogue, we will obtain a faster connection with the other party. Not only a faster connection, but we will also grow together much faster to realize our shared objectives, and dreams. Level III Conversations stand for sharing and discovering.
3. In order to perform a good Level III Conversation we need to use some specific skills more, such as:
4. Conversational Levels: Analyse rapidly in which level you are holding conversations with others and change it when needed.
Use Level I Conversations to instruct, to give clear directives, to inform, to educate. This is the healthy use of it, the unhealthy use is ‘shouting’. This will lead to distrust.
Use Level II Conversations to advocate, to prove, to show your arguments, sometimes to negotiate, to inquire. This is the healthy use; the unhealthy use which we regularly see is ‘Addicted to Being Right.’ It is the destroyer of many relationships both privately and professionally. It will also lead to distrust the thing we do not want at all in our relations.
Use Level III Conversations to share and discover. These conversations will lead to Co-Creation, something that is crucial for future success on all levels. The skills to use are listed in point 3. Is there an unhealthy use, yes indeed this happens when we hold conversations for hours with no clear endpoint? This can lead to great frustration afterwards.
I use these skills everyday as much as I can, and they bring me excellent results. To be very transparent, I also realize that I am a human being: sometimes my reptilian brain takes over and then I forget to use all these beautiful techniques.
With practice, I have learned to detect the moment I feel tension in my body, and this helps me to navigate conversations in better ways. I stay on the highway of good conversations, and I do not take the quick exit leading to bad behaviour. I am so grateful to Judith for what she has taught me. I will use this wisdom for the rest of my life - that’s for sure.
I promised her that I will bring Conversational Intelligence to world whenever I can, because I believe if we all practice these skills and attitudes this world will become a better place for all of us.